I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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