I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
