in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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