So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
