Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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