The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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