found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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