if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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