He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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