my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
