I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
