Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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