dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
