I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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