she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
