Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
