took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
