Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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