Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
