Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
