please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
