I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
