I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
