You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
