sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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