you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
