Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
