Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
