i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
