I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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