if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
