The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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