At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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