I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
