I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
