hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
