What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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