i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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