Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I believe in your delicious
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
