giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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