I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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