I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
