Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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