I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
