you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
