Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
