Got a toothbrush?
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
