I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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