why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
