We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
