i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
