do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
