If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize