So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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