Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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