took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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