the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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