she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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