She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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