You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
