Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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