went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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