He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
