Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
