So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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