i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
should my penis look like a turkey
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
so much tequila, so little girl.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
