she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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