If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
