Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
